Merry Christmas!

Hello; my apologies, for I have recently failed on my goal of doing a weekly blog. The busy nature of Christmas time has made it hard for me to find time to sit down and write a blog. But hey, everyone has some time off over Christmas, right? That's my excuse, anyway...

Today's blog will be written to the soundtrack of Pet Shop Boys singing Always On My Mind. Why not listen to it while you read this? You'll be just like me, but probably with neater hair. Unless any scarecrows or tramps are reading this.

What do I want for Christmas? Mariah Carey once sung "All I Want for Christmas is You", which - while initially a nice sentiment - she must now regret. I love the idea of every year her husband grinning and saying "this year, I've got you....me!", to her near-psychotic frustration. Every year, she has to buy him lots of presents to express her love, while at the same time being happy with getting nothing in return. Mariah, you just didn't think this through.

I wish she would release a follow-up song, about other things she wants. Maybe she could release "All I Want for Christmas is a New Argos Value Range Toaster"? I would say "I'd buy that", but even as a joke I can't approve of that bloody annoying warbling.

Anyway, I'll leave this as a tiny entry. I have to go eat sweets and listen to The Pogues - Fairytale of New York. I wish you all a blooming lovely Christmas, and a fantastic New Year. My next blog probably won't be until 2013, but I'm sure everyone has much more exciting things to do between now and then! Enjoy the festivities.

I've got your number

Hello. This blog is late, because I have been busy over the last week. Why? Well, it was only my 21st birthday! Yes, that means it is now a long 9-year wait until the next "big" birthday, which is an absurd thought.

Today, I am going to talk about my obsession with numbers. I am fucking mental. I say this with a mixture of affection and bewilderment at my own behaviour.

For years, I have done something I have titled "Refreshment"; it hasn't been titled this for years, but I am going to title it that now. Nevertheless, I have done it for years.

So, what does this entail? Well, basically, after every event that I deem to be a big event in my life, I have the urge to "refresh" things. What do I mean by "refresh"? Basically, I mean I wish to do something to an element of my life to make them a new thing, so that they are a construct that was created after the big event. I will give you some examples:

• I look at my iTunes top 40 playlist, and organise them by "Last Played", and make myself listen to them all so they date they were last played is after the event.
• I choose which videogame I want to play not be which I feel like playing the most, but by which I have not played since the big event. I will then choose my favoured mode in that videogame, and play it until I have achieved multiple things; this is where it gets really weird. Take the videogame Blur; I had to play that online until I had got to level 30, rounded my online XP up to the nearest 10,000, rounded my driver score up to the next 100, and rounded my play time on the game up to the next hour. I then played FIFA, where I kept playing until I had finished my season mode, just to "refresh" it.
• I finished a packet of Pringles the other day; I ate more Pringles than I actually wanted, but they had to be finished. Why? The packet was opened when I was 20. I am now 21, so I had to finish it, so the currently open packet is now from this new year of my life.
• I look at my "order history" on play.com, Amazon, eBay - the 3 online stores I frequent most often - and I am annoyed by the fact my most recent order on each is from before my birthday (December 2nd).

This is where it gets really mental; online. Every day since my birthday I have checked my YouTube channel various times. Why? Because I want all my videos to get a view since my birthday. Of course, ultimately I'll end up checking it again because I want them to pass either the next 10 or the next 100, but for now that is what is annoying me. I am also annoyed that I am stuck on 49 likes...but it isn't just my all-time statistics. I am fascinated by checking my stats sorted "monthly", and hoping that each month will become my month with most views, most likes, most favourites...you get the idea. 

But it isn't just my YouTube channel. It is the YouTube channels of people I am fans of and people I am friends with. Currently, I have checked Lou Sanders' (a comedian I am a fan of) YouTube channel 5 times every day since my birthday, because she is close to 20,000 views, and I would get a strange satisfaction from the number rolling over. There are at least 10 other YouTube channels I find myself regularly checking, just out of this strange obsession with numbers and things being "refreshed". I also become fixated on whether someone's recently uploaded video will become their most-viewed, or in their top 10...

The worst thing? The next big event is only 20 days away, at best. That is unless something else big happens in my life between now and then. 

I don't know why I do it; I think it is a mixture between OCD - the urge to "refresh" things certainly being similar to many OCD sufferers desire to clean extensively to make places fresh - and a geeky obsession with numbers. At the moment, it isn't causing me any problems; though if I killed someone, then I'd be in trouble the next time I got a hug from a girl who isn't a relative (yes, I consider this a big event, because it doesn't happen that often!)

I think my days as a sane man are numbered. 

Stand and deliver!

Today, I went to see a comedy gig at the Camden Head in London. However, it wasn't a normal gig; this was a work-in-progress comedy night. This basically means that all the comedians will be doing largely brand new material, so the quality is likely to be a bit more sketchy in quality than most comedy nights -a fact that is alleviated somewhat by the free entrance cost. I should explain for those of you who have never been to a comedy gig, and this may come as a shock to you: not all jokes said by stand-up comedians work. I can remember before I really knew about live stand-up comedy, having just seen comedians on TV, and actually thinking that every comedian had a 100% joke/laugh radio; this is far from true. What most don't know about the stand-up comedians they see on their TV screens is the many years of bad gigs, the deluge of writing, and the incredible levels of hard-work and practice that has got them to that point.

I decided to go to this gig because it was being organised by and stared good friend and funny-man Pete Dillon-Trenchard; more famously known simply as PDT. His full-name is Peter Charles Sampson Dillon-Trenchard. Here's a video of him being very funny:

As always, he was very good last night. Even the bits I've heard a few times before still made me laugh. I was 80% impressed by the quality of his set last night; the other 20% was jealousy, because he's damn good. I highly recommend you check out the above video; feel free to go look at his other YouTube videos, too. There is a "PDT Goes to Iceland" series, where he just prepares and eats food. You'll either love it or hate it. I love it.

The night was MC'd by ManBuyCow, who I already loved from having seem them at The Freedom Fridge open mic comedy nights, and I found them hilarious as always.The other acts performing sets were Adam Hess, Ian Hawkins and Simon Caine, who all did utterly fantastic jobs. It is a sign of the quality of the night that I felt bad for having experienced it for free, because it really did entertain me more than many films and comedy nights I've paid for this year.

Here's to live comedy. It's bloody brilliant.

Credit where credit's due.

Hello. I decided to do a blog today, to promote some creative works that I think deserve much more recognition than they have got so far. Let's get straight into it.

Hayley Carr - Just Too Perfect

 "I know that people change their minds, But I swear that I would change a thousand times, If there was any way that I could be what you wanted".

The above lyrics epitomise how great this song is. It sums up how losing love feels, and perfectly captures the tragic irony; you would change everything about yourself to regain the love of someone who once loved you exactly the way you are.

Self Diagnosis - Lore Finding

"Time is a healer, at least so they say, but there's not a cure for you, girl."

Another heart-break song, written and sung by my good friend Dan Kempster. It brilliantly summarises how little things can mean so much by association with a loved one, and how hard it can be to move on.

You can download the song here: https://soundcloud.com/selfdiagnosis/1-08-lore-finding

Tom Mayhew - James and the Poisonous Soufflé

This is not a song; it is a 22-minute short-story, written - and read out - by myself. It is serious, silly, funny, a bit surreal at points...Ultimately, it is the only piece of work I have done that I am 100% happy about and proud of, and I wouldn't change any of it; fitting, seeing as I was inspired to write it by someone who I wouldn't change a molecule of.

There is a download link in the description of the video, if you'd rather listen on your mp3 player. Or if you would just like the short story on your computer, of course.

I can understand why it hasn't got many views - firstly, it was initially released as part of the Tom and Jon Takeover Your Ears! podcast feed, so most people who follow me will have heard it before I uploaded it onto YouTube a few months later. Also, I am aware that YouTube isn't really a hub for what is effectively a 20+ minute long audiobook, but hey - I guess if there's any people in the world who would be interested in the best piece of writing I have done, it would be readers of my blog!


There are plenty more things I could share, but I will leave it at 3 for now. Go check them out, please. More than ever, I'd like you to share this blog entry, for reasons that are evident. Thank you.

What's this on my shoe? Oh, it's a blog.

Today, I am going to talk about Kids' TV. My favourite show when I was younger was The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh; in recent months, I have spent hours watching episodes of this programme on YouTube. It is partly funny, because they are no longer anywhere near "new", all being at the very least 20 years old. Apart from this, though, the adventures are usually genuinely entertaining and heart-warming, and I usually laugh and smile at many of the little lines the characters come out with.

This is one episode I really enjoyed. It is incredible. As someone who has loved the characters since watching The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh as a child on VHS, as well as reading the stories in books, I was crying with laughter at this episode, even at the age of 20. Eeyore is just bloody fantastic. As a child you don't particularly appreciate him, but as an adult he stands out as possibly the finest character along. Amongst all the other usually happy, upbeat characters, Eeyore is that bit more anti-social and serious, and the juxtaposition between them and the rest can often be hilarious.

I also loved the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles TV series. My favourite was Donatello. I think I just thought his weapon seemed like the best one; it was a lot quicker than the others; not to mention the fact Donatello was the smart one, of course.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-U7GqTXmOMo

I can't embed this, but it is one of my favourite episodes of the show. If you don't want to watch the whole thing, just watch it from 5:32 to 6:44. Shredder is badass AND does puns. That's my kind of villain. In another episode, he throws a load of dough onto one of the turtles, saying "Here! Have a doughtnet!" - his wordplay is astounding.

That's today's blog over. See you around. BYE, readers!

GRRR!

Yesterday, I was browsing the iTunes Store homepage, and I burst out laughing at the fact there was an album simply called "GRRR!" - I just thought it was a marvelously silly choice for an album title, which was made even funnier by the fact it sat at #7 of the iTunes albums chart. I then laughed again after realising it wasn't an album released by some new young boyband with annoying hair, who had probably been told to use that title by some massive Simon Cowell-esque management, but by a bunch of men in their 60s with full creative-control by the name of The Rolling Stones. It had already made me laugh out loud 3 times by this point, and then I clicked on the link and saw the artwork, which you can see here: http://www.amazon.co.uk/GRRR-The-Rolling-Stones/dp/B0095VOYFW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1352776308&sr=8-1

I laughed for the next 5 minutes, wiping away tears of laughter. It is made even better by the fact it is a greatest hits compilation, with no mention of the fact it is a greatest hits compilation. It is bloody genius.

All I really know about The Rolling Stones is "Paint It Black", but I am going to buy this collection based on the artwork and title alone. I'll probably also get the artwork on a T-shirt, because it is just flipping awesome. Everyone will see me in the T-shirt and go "hey, you like The Rolling Stones?", to which I will reply "no, I just am in love with the title and gorilla". It does mean that I like 2 out of 3 elements of the artwork, of course.

I implore my readers with Amazon accounts to click the below link, and tag the collection as "gleeful gorilla" and "GRRR". The top tag is currenly "rip-off", which is ridiculous; any product that makes me cry with laughter is worth every penny.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/tags-on-product/B0095VOYFW/ref=tag_dpp_cust_edpp_sa

GRRR!

ps. I asked people on Facebook yesterday to tag the album using the above tags; I don't think anyone did, but PDT did tag at least 10 of my photos with "GRRR!" and "gleeful gorilla". So thanks, man. Not exactly what I wanted, but I appreciate the gesture. The wonderful, piss-taking gesture. ;)

Blogging Challenge Day 7: Let's do the Time Warp again!

If you could go back in time, where would you go?

Hey readers, wonderful news! I've only gone and found a time machine! But where should I go? I think I'll go back in time 10 seconds...

Hey readers, wonderful news! I've only gone and found a time machine! But where should I go? I think I'll go back in time 10 seconds...

Hey readers, wonderful news! I've decided to stop doing that joke.

Welcome to the final day of the blogging challenge! For the last blog of the challenge, Amy and I decided we would discuss what we would do if we could go back in time; where would we go, and why would we go there?

I decided before I started writing this blog that I'd only want to go back to occasions before I was born; partly because wishing to go back upon one's own life - even hypothetically - is dangerous. This choice was mainly made, however, because I think it would simply be more interesting. There have been many thousands of years of this planet, so it would seem a bit wasteful to only think about going back on the 20 years I have already experienced - not to mention the fact I already spend so much of my life thinking back on what has happened in my life, instead of thinking "ooo, what was it like BEFORE I was born?"

The first place I would love to go would be July 22nd 1988. Wembley Stadium. Michael Jackson's Bad Tour. This gives the challenge a nice cyclical feel; in the first entry, Music, I stated how much I'd have loved to see Michael Jackson live, and in this, the final entry of the challenge, I am saying how I'd love to travel back in time and see him at his peak.

I'd also love to go back to 1966 and watch England win the World Cup. That would be pretty cool. Would be nice to see a good England football team, I've never seen that before.

It would also be interesting to hang out with my Mum and Dad when they were 20, or just observe then in a social situation from a distance. Just to see what they were like.

Oh, it would also be fun to go back and invest tiny amounts in what eventually become massive inventions, so I am really rich. That would be cool.

This blog challenge is ending with a bit of a whimper. I haven't been able to think of much for today, to be honest. My apologies.

I would like to thank everyone who has followed this challenge throughout the days, especially those who have given feedback. Also, huge thanks to PDT for joining in with Days 1 and 2, and, of course, Amy for doing the challenge with me. You helped provide ideas for topics, and you produced very entertaining blogs throughout the week, so thank you.

To my blog readers, thinking "when will the next one be?"...I can reveal a new blog will be released...TOMORROW.

Yes, from now on, I will write a blog every Tuesday (at the very least) ...How many days in a row will I have blogged, Jon?

Yes Jon, you're right.

See you tomorrow for a "normal" blog. Thanks for following the inaugural blogging challenge!

Blogging Challenge Day 6: What would you do if you were given £1m?

Welcome to Day 6! The penultimate blog of the challenge!

What would you do if you were given £1m?

Think about it. What would be the first thing you do?

I am struggling to decide what would be the first thing I would do. The very first. It is a hard amount to fathom having; I have never had more than £2100, and even that was entirely a student loan, so technically I was (and still am *sigh*) in the red. So the most money I have actually had in my 20-years on this earth would be around £1400. So the thought of £1,000,000?! That is mind-blowing. I struggle to comprehend it. I am tempted to write "the first thing I would do is go and buy a burger", but I think that is just because my stomach is craving a burger right now.

I guess it would seem logical to make the first purchase a relatively large one, but also a practical one. While I'd love to say "the first thing I'd do is buy our family home of the last 20 years from the council, so my parents own it like they dreamed they would when they first moved in all those years ago", that would take a matter of weeks to sort out and finalise, so it wouldn't be my first official purchase.

This is a real tough one; the most I have ever spent in one chunk was £433 to stay in an Edinburgh hotel for 7 days in August 2012, but if I had £1m it would feel wrong to not open with some sort of massive transaction. It is hard to work out what I would do; the closest I have come to having lots of money is the fact that Peter Mayhew - a man best known for playing Chewbacca in the Star Wars series - shares my surname. Sadly we're no relation, though to be honest I don't think having that much body hair would suit me.

OK, I have decided. The first thing I'd do: I would go out and have a really expensive meal, where I can enjoy the rich taste of wealthiness and have a toast to my luck. I'd stuff my self with luxury, costly food, so I could sleep well that night.

Now we get onto the fun things; I'd love to go to lots of different locations. Poland; Russia; France; Spain; just see the world, really, staying in expensive hotels and feeling a bit like a more scruffy version of James Bond.

I'd also buy our family home, as I said above, as well as a flat for me and my friends to live in. One day, Jon will come home and find that I've paid someone to knock his room off the building. Oh, how we'll all laugh!
The temptation to use the money for evil pranks would be hard to resist, I'll be honest. I'd love to offer someone £100 to shave off their eyebrows, just to see if they'd do it. Money is power, and power corrupts.

Evil wouldn't be the only path I would walk down, though; I'd do some nice things. I'd donate lots of money to charitable causes, of course, and I'd treat those I care about; I'd love to see PDT's face as I present him with the Power Rangers Morphsuit costume he's always wanted, or follow the news story as I pay Tom Hiddleston to dress up as his Avengers character Loki and visit Mairi, and then watch as the world wonders about the famous actor's "sudden disappearance". I would pay off all my friends' student loans, and we would go on a big holiday, paying someone to film it, and release it as "The Inbetweeners 2".

It would be amazing the things I could do; so if any millionaire is reading this, then you should consider it a shrewd yet fun investment. Feel free to ask for my PayPal details in the comments section.

On a serious note, what would you do with £1m? Let's get some audience interaction going! Leave comments in the comment section of this blog, or below the Facebook link, or in a Tweet to me. I'd love to know what other people would do with the money. Click here to see what Amy chose to do with her hypothetical million (when her blog is up); I think she would spend at least some of it on tattoos. Amy, I totally think you should get "I did the blogging challenge!" tattooed on you. After tomorrow's final day of the challenge, of course. One more day.

Blogging Challenge Day 5: The Future

Hello! Firstly, let me direct you to the right of this page. You should find a box where you can subscribe to this blog by e-mail if you so choose, so you never miss an entry! Handy, huh? Just make sure the e-mail isn't sent to the junk folder of your inbox. (I know I also put it yesterday, but will put it today as well in case you didn't tune in yesterday. If you didn't, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU DUDE?!) Also, if anyone who has filled this in can confirm whether it worked or not, let me know. :)

Welcome to Day 5 of the blogging challenge! Today's topic is THE FUTURE*.

*Ironically, this was written in THE PAST. HAHA. Hilarious.

Where do I want to be in the future?

This is a strange one; I am a 20-year old man. However, I don't act like it...

• In the past 2 days, I have had 2 gingerbread men.
• Every Friday, I listen to Rebecca Black's Friday.
• In the past month, I have watched numerous episodes of Winnie the Pooh on YouTube, genuinely loving every minute of most episodes.
• A few weeks ago, I sat in the pub on my own and thought to myself "wouldn't it be funny if I sung the chorus to 'Build Me Up Buttercup', on repeat, for 10 whole minutes?"...I did this, often laughing through the lyrics to myself. At one point, I received a phone call from my friend Chris Catapult, and I was singing the chorus down the phone to him for 40 seconds, at which point he hung up. This is made even funnier by the fact I don't know Mr. Catapult that well, and it was the first - and so far only - time he has called me. I should say this isn't his real name, but I always call him "Chris Catapult", simply because I find it funny. 
• I think what sums it up is the fact that me and my 20 year-old friend, Matt Williams, still say the phrase "when I grow up" in a completely non-ironic fashion. In my mind, I'm still a teenager. 

I have always envisaged myself as the type of person who would never get married or have kids; partly due to insecurity, perhaps - thinking "oh, who would marry this man who loves gingerbread men more than wine?" - but it is mainly due to the fact that I am just not bothered by it all, quite frankly. I know some people who were sure they wanted to get married and have 3 children when they were 15, but I have never seen it as a personal goal. My favourite comedians are Richard Herring, Ray Peacock and Jon Richardson - they are 45, 37, and 30, respectively, and none of them have any children. Only the former is married - and only tied the knot earlier this year. Although it wasn't at all a conscious decision to make these my favourites for this reason, of course, it only adds fuel to my "let's not get married" fire. There is a great moment in Richard Herring's stand-up show "The Headmaster's Son", where he talks to his 39 year-old self as his 16-year old self. The 39 year-old self is feeling down about the fact he is single and hasn't got married, but his 16 year-old self says to him "look what you've achieved. This is all you ever wanted" - I can't help but feel I am similar. I don't want marriage, or children. Who knows, maybe one day, if I meet the right person, that is what I - or we, I should say -  will desire, but right now, if someone said "I can make it so by the age of 30 you'll have created wonderfully written pieces of work that you are proud of, that have made people happy and have gained critical acclaim....but you'll be single at 30", I'd accept it in a heart-beat.

This isn't to say I wouldn't like companionship in between now and 30, of course - I just cannot fathom the idea of having children and being married, I have never been able to. I don't think I'll get married; I think of things in a very modern way, and pretty much see the idea of a big wedding as a massive waste of money.

OOOOHHH I'M SO ROMANTIC!

I'd much rather go on a really expensive holiday, or pay to have Vince Kidd do a private gig in my house. I read on Twitter the other day I can get that for £6500. Yes please. My birthday is soon, guys...

Oh...if my wife is reading this in 6 years them...erm...well, this is awkward.

What do I want to happen in the future?

This section will contain future things that I want to happen. Just a bit of fun, really.

• The Killers will wake up, realise their last 2 albums have been awful, apologise profusely, and become a great band again.
• Hank Azaria will win an Oscar for his performance as Gargamel in 'The Smurfs 2'. He will reject it, declaring his performance "too good for recognition". 
• There will be a remake of The Matrix staring Crash Bandicoot villain Neo Cortex as "The One". It'll be bloody brilliant.
• Nick Knowles will be put down.
• Chelsea will win the Champions League again. BLUE IS THE COLOUR!
• Long-hair will come into fashion the day after I finally get a hair-cut. Just my luck. :/
• A 5 ft. gingerbread man will go on sale, so my dream will finally come true.

Thanks for reading my blog! As always, go check out Amy's blog, especially if you haven't read her entry for "Day 4" - it was a wonderfully written blog. Go check it out. See you tomorrow IN THE FUTURE!

Blogging Challenge Day 4: Self-improvement

Hello! Firstly, let me direct you to the right of this page. You should find a box where you can subscribe to this blog by e-mail if you so choose, so you never miss an entry! Handy, huh? Just make sure the e-mail isn't sent to the junk folder of your inbox.

Today's topic for day 4 of the blogging challenge is...self-improvement! Don't worry, this won't be as downbeat as this may sound, and it won't be dull self-improvement things like "get a job" or "get a girlfriend". They are things that depend on someone else being compliant, and this entry is about self-improvement; what I can do to make me happier in myself. In this blog I will write about the things I wish to learn, the skills I wish to gain and the talents I wish to enhance.

Things I'd like to get better at

1. Stand-up comedy.

2. Dancing.

Now, these are both things I think I am "not shit" at; but I'd like to be "bloody great" at both. I'm proud of what I have managed to achieve so far, but I consider there much more progress to make. I mean, if Mickey thinks I still need to improve, then I clearly have some more hard work to do...ultimately, though, I'm pretty happy with what I can do so far, considering it is all just self-taught at home. It is also nice to be able to feel I am still improving; I have only done a handful of stand-up gigs, so obviously I am learning with every one I do, and every couple months or so I am just practicing dancing in my small kitchen at 1am and just do a new dance move. This in particular is testament to what you can do if you work hard at making yourself good at something, which brings me on to the next section..


Things I'd like to accomplish

Can you play an instrument? Really? Well, I can't, so stop showing off.

I have two instruments in my possession; a mini-accordion, that was bought for me as a "joke" present a coupe years ago, and a harmonica that I bought myself earlier this month. I'd like to become adept at both; luckily, I anticipate they should be relatively easy to self-teach, more so than a piano or guitar at any rate.

I'd also like to be able to write songs. This is something I have tried to do for over a year now; there are around 10 documents on my PC/laptop of unfinished lyric sheets for songs; some are comedy songs, others tackle more serious issues such as unemployment, social awkwardness and love. These are written as raps, which is another thing I'd like to be good at.

I'd love to become a better singer. One of the things I often think is "one day, once I have lots of money, I'll take 6 months away from everything and spend it learning how to become a great singer".

I would trade my liver to be able to write and sing a song as brilliantly as this:

Ironically, I sung/shouted this song on repeat for 2 hours after drinking too much recently, but let's not get into that.

I've always enjoyed acting; drama was one of my favourite subjects at school. I got 39/40 on the performance part of the GCSE exam. I'm not showing off....OK, I am showing off. Basically, I'd love there to be some evidence of this somewhere. I really want to write and act in a short-film sometime. I've been saying this for ages, so if anyone out there is reading this and fancies helping write/act it, let me know! Would quite like the first one to be some sort of collaboration.

Now, I would like to challenge myself, Amy (check out her blog, click here, etc. - you know the drill), PDT (who missed the blogging challenge yesterday, and I have no clue if he is doing today's one or not), and everyone reading this blog to set themselves a task to teach themselves something in the next 6 months. If you have subscribed to my blog by e-mail (or you just check back regularly), then within 6 months you will see an update that shows a video of my adeptly playing the mini-accordion and the harmonica. I may even fit a music video in there which combines song-writing, rapping and dancing, we shall see - that is not something I wish to rush. But they'll be some progress on these tasks come 6 months time. Let's make these things happen.

See you tomorrow!

Tom.

Blogging Challenge: Day 3: Work

Hello readers!....Not as catchy as "HI listeners", eh? But that's enough references to my podcasts for one blog - some would argue more than enough. Followers of this challenge from day 1 will be happy to find out that I ordered Sum 41's "Does This Look Infected?" earlier today, so Amazon will be posting a parcel full of nostalgia my way. I am genuinely excited to hear it again. Anyways; welcome to day 3 of the blogging challenge! Today's subject is...

WORK. As in, jobs and workplace antics and...stuff.

I haven't been that successful in the world of employment; in 2010/2011, I applied for over 150 jobs, and only got 3 interviews: Boots (a Christmas job), a local garden centre assistant, and a call centre. For the Boots interview, I had the indignity of having to - as part of the interview - stand behind the counter, and bag up some customers' purchases, as a trial. To prove I can put things in a fucking carrier bag. The biggest insult? I didn't get the job.

As part of an internship arranged for me by a friend's Mum, I worked for 2 weeks as a caretaker's assistant at a school; I remember one occasion where I had to stir some paint, and one of the caretakers - Barry, a man in his 60s - said "I have something you can stir it with", and gestured towards his groin area. I don't know if he always stirs paint with his penis, though "I'll give you a lick of paint" would be a pretty interesting euphemism for a sexual act.

The only other job I had - also as part of the internship -was working in an office; it wasn't well paid, at only £2.50 an hour, but it was more than appreciated, for I was otherwise only getting a paltry £51 a week from the JobCentre. I recall one occasion where I got into the office at 9am, and was reprimanded for not turning up on time - I was supposed to turn up "ready for 9am". I can vividly remember walking into the kitchen area of the office, just standing there, deliberately not doing anything, counting up to 15 seconds, and then thinking to myself in a grumpy tone "Yeah! Take that, THE MAN! I just earned 1p for doing nothing. Take that! Why do I have to turn up early for this? I just did nothing for 15 seconds, and it doesn't matter"...When you're doing a low-paid job you don't really enjoy, you have to take the tiniest of victories.

On a similar note, it is amazing to go into a toilet at work, have a wank, and think "I BLOODY GOT PAID FOR THAT! I AM A PROFESSIONAL WANKER!"...Just me? Maybe I won't share the blog on Facebook today. I spent over a year of my life unemployed, unable to get a job. Who'd have thought it?

Amy has already told me that her work stories "will make you laugh, cry and maybe throw up", so be sure to check out her blog entry for today. PDT can make anything funny, too, so have a gander at his blog. It would be ironic if he couldn't do an entry today because of having too much work to do, of course..

See you tomorrow!

Blogging Challenge: Day 2: Films

Hello! I have to start this blog with a bit of admin. My friend PDT has decided to join in the challenge - or at very least he has said he will "dip in and out" of the challenge, depending on how much time he can find over the next 7 days! You can find his blog for day one here: http://www.typeforty.co.uk/?p=1323
His blog is well-worth a read. He's a very funny man.

Welcome to the blogging challenge Day 2! Today, the topic is...Films!

Now, I imagine I go to the cinema more often than the average person - I have been 14 times this year so far, and if I could afford to I probably would have gone at least twice as many times. But I don't go to the cinema just for the expensive hot dogs, sweets and popcorn; no, unlike most cinema-goers - who go exclusively to pay for over-priced food - I love watching films. I'm so non-conformist.

My favourite films are ones where the plot twists and turns in such a well thought-out and interesting way that it feels like you're going to explode, simply due to your excitement at the intelligence of what you are watching. The Dark Knight, Fight Club, Donnie Darko; these are my top 3 films, and are films where I still think "shit, that's genius!" at multiple points of each, despite having seem them numerous times. I tend to love films with intricate plots; the type that leave many viewers confused. To be honest, part of my enjoyment of these films comes from being able to think "I was smart enough to follow/get that", but most of the enjoyment comes from being challenged to think by the art-form.

But what mostly determines why one chooses to watch a certain film at the cinema? The most obvious reason that springs to my mind is this: hype. Both hype generated by multi-million pound promotional tactics, and hype generated by extensive media coverage that a big Hollywood blockbuster gets if it is deemed by critics to be brilliant.

Other reasons include having actors who I like, and/or being a sequel to a film I enjoyed; needless to say, The Dark Knight Rises - the sequel to my favourite film - was my most anticipated film ever. It remains my most enjoyable cinema experience of the year - not to mention the fact I saw it in an IMAX, which was brilliant. I saw the film on opening weekend, and remember spending much of the day of the showing - and the day beforehand, in fact - just excitably saying "BATMAN! BATMAN! BATMAN!", because it was all I could do to express how much I was looking forward to the film.

However, while hype and promotion has led me to watch some incredible films this year - the aforementioned The Dark Knight Rises, The Avengers, and The Muppets to mention 3 of my favourites - I do regret not watching a wider range of films. I am a bit of a film geek - I frequent www.boxofficemojo.com on a daily basis, because I am interested in how much a film makes, how that compares to previous films in that genre, if the film makes a profit, if an actor reaches a new high in their career in terms of making money at the box office; the mix of two things I love - films and numbers - excites me, being the geek that I am.

But I can't help but draw what I consider to be disappointing correlations between the films I've watched this year. These are the films I have watched in 2012 at the cinema, in chronological order:

Arthur Christmas; $100m; British
The Muppets; $45; American
Wrath of the Titans; $150m; American
The Avengers; $220m; American
Men In Black 3; $215; American
The Amazing Spider-Man; $230m; American
The Dark Knight Rises; $250m; American
Ice Age 4; $95; American
Ted; $65m; American
Looper; $30m; American
Skyfall; $150m; British

As you can see, the vast majority of the films I have seen are massive-budget, American productions. Granted, this is partly because these are the ones that most people want to see, so they are more likely to be shown in a higher number of cinemas; I would have seen both both Plan B/Ben Drew's ill Manors (£100,000; British) and The Raid: Redemption ($1.8m, Indonesian) if they had been showing in my local Odeon, but sadly they opted to show a bloody re-release of Lion King in 3D instead. But even if I had seen those two, the majority would still be massive budget, American films. Not that I have anything intrinsically against American films, of course - the vast majority of the films above I enjoyed. *glares aggressively at Ted* It just seems a shame that there is a whole world of films being made, including many great ones in our own country, yet I - and most of my readers, I'll bet - always seem to gravitate towards ones made in Hollywood.

I think I will aim to see more home-grown, low-budget cinema in 2013. If this means I have to travel to a niché 20 seat cinema in London to do so, then so be it. 

Thanks for reading. Once again, I point you towards Amy's blog, to see what she writes about for day 2 of the blogging challenge. She works in a cinema, so this should probably be something of a forté for her, so I am sure she'll have some interesting points to make on the topic. I don't know if PDT is planning on doing a blog for today, but I do know that he doesn't like The Dark Knight - so if he does one, it should be at the very least "interesting". Probably wrong, too.

See you tomorrow.

Tom.

Blogging Challenge: Day 1: Music

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