Hello. This blog is late, because I have been busy over the last week. Why? Well, it was only my 21st birthday! Yes, that means it is now a long 9-year wait until the next "big" birthday, which is an absurd thought.
Today, I am going to talk about my obsession with numbers. I am fucking mental. I say this with a mixture of affection and bewilderment at my own behaviour.
For years, I have done something I have titled "Refreshment"; it hasn't been titled this for years, but I am going to title it that now. Nevertheless, I have done it for years.
So, what does this entail? Well, basically, after every event that I deem to be a big event in my life, I have the urge to "refresh" things. What do I mean by "refresh"? Basically, I mean I wish to do something to an element of my life to make them a new thing, so that they are a construct that was created after the big event. I will give you some examples:
- I look at my iTunes top 40 playlist, and organise them by "Last Played", and make myself listen to them all so they date they were last played is after the event.
- I choose which videogame I want to play not be which I feel like playing the most, but by which I have not played since the big event. I will then choose my favoured mode in that videogame, and play it until I have achieved multiple things; this is where it gets really weird. Take the videogame Blur; I had to play that online until I had got to level 30, rounded my online XP up to the nearest 10,000, rounded my driver score up to the next 100, and rounded my play time on the game up to the next hour. I then played FIFA, where I kept playing until I had finished my season mode, just to "refresh" it.
- I finished a packet of Pringles the other day; I ate more Pringles than I actually wanted, but they had to be finished. Why? The packet was opened when I was 20. I am now 21, so I had to finish it, so the currently open packet is now from this new year of my life.
- I look at my "order history" on play.com, Amazon, eBay - the 3 online stores I frequent most often - and I am annoyed by the fact my most recent order on each is from before my birthday (December 2nd).
This is where it gets really mental; online. Every day since my birthday I have checked my YouTube channel various times. Why? Because I want all my videos to get a view since my birthday. Of course, ultimately I'll end up checking it again because I want them to pass either the next 10 or the next 100, but for now that is what is annoying me. I am also annoyed that I am stuck on 49 likes...but it isn't just my all-time statistics. I am fascinated by checking my stats sorted "monthly", and hoping that each month will become my month with most views, most likes, most favourites...you get the idea.
But it isn't just my YouTube channel. It is the YouTube channels of people I am fans of and people I am friends with. Currently, I have checked Lou Sanders' (a comedian I am a fan of) YouTube channel 5 times every day since my birthday, because she is close to 20,000 views, and I would get a strange satisfaction from the number rolling over. There are at least 10 other YouTube channels I find myself regularly checking, just out of this strange obsession with numbers and things being "refreshed". I also become fixated on whether someone's recently uploaded video will become their most-viewed, or in their top 10...
The worst thing? The next big event is only 20 days away, at best. That is unless something else big happens in my life between now and then.
I don't know why I do it; I think it is a mixture between OCD - the urge to "refresh" things certainly being similar to many OCD sufferers desire to clean extensively to make places fresh - and a geeky obsession with numbers. At the moment, it isn't causing me any problems; though if I killed someone, then I'd be in trouble the next time I got a hug from a girl who isn't a relative (yes, I consider this a big event, because it doesn't happen that often!)
I think my days as a sane man are numbered.
